|| sadiisTicc || ~

thank you...

2005-05-14T21:30:00.000-07:00

i feel so much better now ..
thanks to .. aMi ..
talking to him makes me feel relieved and elated .. =))
so .. thanks .

anyway , aMi ! !
you sent me too many metal songs ! my hard disk meletup nanti tau !
hahas .. hmm what else to write .. okay let's start with my day ..
it was pouring buckets in the morning [yay!] and i thought it was going to be a good day . i was wrong , as usual . so , i woke up with a splitting headache ! i thought , " nvm nvm . things will look up . " they did , just as i hoped . adib was online so chatted to him .. so merepek seh .. then .. my laptop was lagging like hell so i couldn't type .. and he thought i was angry or something .. *lol* too bad dib , i wasn't angry .. so he kept asking why i was quiet and i did not answer . too bad .. okay i'll cut everything . i don't want to tell you people about my day ..

i am such a bad blogger . i used to be so committed to blogging .. now , it's like .. i only update my blog on weekends or maybe on days that i really have something to write about .. ok .. now i am certified as a bad blogger.. *lol* hmm .. i want to summarise what kind of music i like now .. Let's see .. punkrock , jiwang , metal (all thanks to aMi) .. is that it ? *lol* i can't even remember what i like .. ? my mind is going to shut down so, bah. fcuk i'm so fcukin tired ! ! only 9:38 you know ? ok .. what else to write .. yea ! i took up drawing anime again ! woots ! but i too lazy to scan it into the computer .. *hehehe* what can i say ? i'm a lazy blogger as well as a bad blogger .
oh no ! i'm such a mixture of personalities .. is it wrong ? nah !
i'm just , me
it's what i want to be .
now i am missing someone really badly ..
him lar .. he doesn't even know i like him ! =/ for all he knows , i'm just another girl .. haiz ..
whatever . maybe if i chat to him again , he'll cheer me up again .. tomorrow feel like waking up early .. around 4am or so .. see if he's online .. =PP okay i'm going to go sleep . g'night you lil' fuckers. =]

poem....1

2005-05-10T02:42:00.000-07:00

Hancur hatiku... Keranamu
Andainya aku harus pergi...
Akanlahku berasa pilu di hati...
Keranamu kuteruskanlah jalanku...
Namun itu masih akan mengingatimu...

Sayang... Tika kau mengerti...
Engkaulah yang telah menghancurkan hatiku ini...
Jangka masa kami bersama...
Tidak akan dilupa...

Tiada tempat ku dapat mengadu...
Masih tersimpan harapanku...
Ku cuba membina kehidupan baru...
Tetapi gagal, kerana tidak boleh lupakanmu...

short story #1

2005-05-08T07:50:00.000-07:00

The luminous moon shone on the shadow like a spotlight. Silence. Suddenly, the victim breathed no more. When the police arrived, the shadow had already fled scot-free. The shadow had a name. It was Meia. She had assasinated many people but had not been caught. She was in the debt of her boss, Shinta. He had helped her since she was young. Since she was abandoned by her family.

"Good job," said Shinta in a cold tone. He treated her like all his other assasins. Plain cold. Meia nodded and entered her so called bedroom. She peeled off her jacket, revealing a tattoo. A dragon tattoo she had had since she was young. Her eyes glazed over. She vowed that she would find her parents and murder them herself. They made a mistake of leaving their child.

Years of training had made her into a fighting machine. She was the best assasin Shinta had ever had. But one thing Shinta did not know was that Meia was going to betray him one day...

It was time. Silently and stealthily, Meia crept into Shinta's room. In her right hand she held a blade steady. With her left hand, she covered Shinta's face with a pillow. Swiftly, the blade was driven into his chest. Three times she drove it in, blood gushing out. Meia withdrawed the blade from Shinta's chest.

Opening the window, she looked down. Not that high. She could cope. She jumped onto the window ledge and climbed down the ladder that was meant for an emergency. Suddenly, the side of the ladder pierced through her thigh. Agony. She steeled herself and continued climbing down.

Within minutes, she was on the ground. She hid the blade inside her jacket and walked away from the building. No one was around. Smiling to herself, she turned a corner and disappeared. Forever.

So how was it? Lols.. That's the end.. Next time I'll write more.. Hope you could understand it =PP ahaKks..! have fun reading!! ^_^

losing faith makes me cry...

2005-05-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

wow... listening to sleeping sun by nightwish.. so sad...

i am so bored.. went out again.. the maths paper was quite hard i guess... haiz.. whatever lar.... can't be bothered... hmms.. what to write about... ok..... i'm gonna talk about myself.. i'm wondering.... why am i like this now..? i'm like... a quarter crazy, a quarter weird, a quarter gothic and a quarter kecoh.... very confusing? yea i guess so....

just now after exam went to compass point, the security guard called me over and said, "Tell your friends that if they want to come here and shop, it's ok. But don't run. If i cannot control you all, i will have to call the police." Like wtf?! He called me over just for that? Fucking twat..... Haiz.. Today feel so sad.. Maybe coz i didn't get to see him.......? hahaSs.. gawd.. what am i thinking.. he will never ever notice me.... that's a guaranteed fact.. *breaks down* hahas no way am i gonna cry! im a toughie =P hahas... whatever lar...

dang! i'm so confused now........ who can give me advice....? help!! hahas.. k maybe i dun need help =// whatever lar.... i think i'll stop here for now..... or i write a short story... then i post here... haiz... nights.

haiz..

2005-04-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

i'm wondering...... should i continue to like him..? or not? he likes someone else... i felt so heartbroken saying i hated him. outside i may seem like a normal girl... but inside, it's all mixed up. i feel like crying... i don't know what to do... he's just so.... different from me.. and he likes a different person... should i stop liking him? why am i feeling this way..? my heart just shattered to pieces... what am i going to do? haiz.. maybe i'll think some more and blog later...

the stupis idiotic gemini

2005-04-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

the stupid idiotic gemini
I have always been this way
Since my birth till today
I'm the weirdest person in school
Because I act like a fool
No one dares to find fault with me
Cause if they do, well, you shall see
I never make the same mistake twice
I'll crush them like those little mice
No one will survive
I will not spare a single life
For I am the one who will hurt
Anyone that talks about me as if I'm dirt
So be scared, be very afraid
You shall not see the sunset because you'll be dead
I'll stab I'll choke
I won't be loved by a single bloke
But who cares, not me
It's all just a mystery
I'll make you nervous when I stare
That's my way of starting a dare
You'll lose to me anyway
So don't hope to win, not any day
You will only end up dead
Remember this, I already said
I am a bitch
And of course, a witch
Don't think I don't know who you are
Try to run but you won't get far
I'll find you before you leave the country
And you'll die September thirty
Look forward to that very day
Either on that day or in May
Good luck to you, you'll need it
I'll see you when we meet
Till then I say goodbye
You stupid idiotic Gemini.

such bullshit...

2005-04-19T21:57:00.000-07:00

haiz.. i still can't believe it! khairi is interested in me?! *pukes* like, who am i?! why isn't he interested in zahidah?! i'm not attractive! i'm not nice! i'm not like zahidah! argh! why all fat people attracted to me..? *cries* ok nvm i alrdy pissed muhd off so he's not interested anymore.. i think. but whatever, i'll act my worse. i dun even care if i'm not liked by anyone. why is it important if someone likes you or not? that's my question for today. I'll try to answer it.
Firstly, you want that person to like you because u either like him or he's attractive. secondly, you want to be the c.o.a.. hmm... what else? i think it's quite stupid. seriously. one more thing, i hate people who confess that he/she likes a certain someone. omigod.. i have another thing on my mind.... my new friends are the kecoh type!! lols. but that's ok..... omigod i wonder if naimah actually told ridhwan that... =/ hope not. really hope not. OMFG. just now Anna Chan, stead of Faizal Hamza, go and scream so fucking loud that Mr. Whoever scolded all of us. Zulkarnain also got scolding coz he brought the guitar out of the North Star Zone. Stupid idiotic Mr.Whoever!! Twat.. Someone should stick a dildo up his ass and kill him. OMFG what am I thinking. Oh yar just now during History, Mr. Arasumani didn't come(yay!) so me and Zahidah spent the time talking nonsense. We talked about Afi all these lar.. Then Zahidah was talking about..... dicks.. LOL... Then I was talking about a whole different thing. I said "Then Ridhwan's jambul like this" *shows how the jambul is like* And she thought I was talking about the hair on his dick.. Then she said, "What?! You saw his *cough cough*?!?!?!" Then we laughed like hell.. Like, omg man.. Disgusting... Dirty-minded... -.-" During Maths I wasn't paying attention.. Just thinking about death, as usual. Ok I wanna make a chart..

Filzah - Saiful Nizam
Adilah - Khairul
Kalimallah - Al-Hafidz
Zahidah - Shameer(According to the kecohs)
Naimah - Zulhaire [Whatever the spelling is]
Sakdiah - Ramadhan

Nyahahaha~ I'm free.... So is Syuhaidah.. Or not... ^.^" Hahas. Whatever lar... Ok now I am so fucking bored.. i feel like crying all of a sudden.. why?! i dun even noe why.... mood swings i guess... =/ i wanna cry.... nvm i shall listen to nightwish .... lols.. i love that band~! thx michelle for introducing me to it... and thanks to fahmi too =) hahas.. just now fahmi, farhan, sin yan, ahmad sufyan, arif, faizal, rafie and lots more people played street soccer... so lame.. i hate the fucking teachers. those twats. arif run like sissy siak... me and z laugh like hell.. so freaking lame.. hahas... whatever lar.. tomorrow i wake up early play computer again lors... nights =)

poems..

2005-04-17T17:22:00.000-07:00

poem from emily the strange's website:

Three times to cut through skin
Three times I drive it in Each time a little blood escapes
Each time a new scar shapes
Scars I keep to remind myself of my flaws
Scars that remind me of the things I cause
Things I never meant to do
Things that I said were untrue
Lies I told you to make everything right
Lies I told to block your sight
For you will never see the blood I shed
For you will never see my hatred so red
Hatred I hold for myself every day
Hatred I have for myself in every way
The way I look, think and act
The way everyone thinks they know me fact by fact
So I sit here bleeding
So I sit here screaming
Silent cries of my self hate
Silent cries of my lost fate
Maybe I'll wake up from this reality
Maybe I'll stop dealing myself such brutality
Somehow my prince will come rescue me
Somehow the pain someone will see I'll sit and wait until that day
I'll cut and bleed my life away

poem i wrote (not even half as good as the above) :

The blade cuts through my skin,
And makes me bleed from within,
The scar it leaves behind,
Is also etched in my mind,
As the blood trickles to the floor,
I yearn for more,
It feels painless,
As if it's harmless,
And as my vision grows darker,
My breath gets faster,
I grab my pen and paper,
To write a note for later,
I regret being like this,
But alas God has to dismiss,
My painful soul, my heart that aches,
Will never feel a single thing, not in ages,
As I am losing blood, I find myself,
Also losing my breath,
At the last moment I say,
I shouldn't have died, not today,
A light so bright suddenly appears,
And it takes away my fears,
I am ready to die even though I should not be,
It had happened because I am me.

prostitutes..

2005-04-16T13:14:00.000-07:00

i just read the Berita Minggu paper... Don't normally read it.. Just had to look at it cause there was an article about prostitutes. There's like.. a lot of articles.. One about "Baby" who returned to selling her teenage body to men t "Red Light" Geylang after getting fired from her workplace which was a factory.. She's.. let's see... I'll read more.. The article's in Malay.. Quite hard to translate 'cause my Malay not that good.. =/ Three weeks ago, the teenager that has tattoos on her forehead, neck, arm, body and leg had been fired from work. She returned to being a prostitute at Lorong 10, 12 and 18 Geylang. The article is VERY long.. I'm too lazy to translate everything.. -.-" So.. I'll just pen down my views... Kind of a reflection I guess.
Ok.. Firstly, I think it's stupid to become a prostitute just to get money. She said that she needs money to live since she's living alone now. She sleeps with men of many races. Europeans, Malays, Indians, Chinese and even Nigros(Black men). How desperate is she.. I wonder. Maybe so desperate that she'd even sleep with an old man. I pity her for being so stupid. Selling her body just like that. There are many other ways to get money. For instance, working at a proper workplace. Anyway, there was a picture of prostitutes waiting for men.. Their clothes were so tight and revealing. One word.. Disgusting. Hmms.. I don't know what else to write.. I'm so shocked about the stories in the paper. There's one about 'Amanda', a teenager who charges $4o per night.. Erms... that's so lame. Ok I think I'll stop talking about this..

Let's see.. What happened.. Yesterday, after Red Cross, me, Zahidah, Jun Ming, Khairul and Farhan went to Compass Point. Ate KFC. The cooks gave Jun Ming the chicken butt! There was even a line in the centre. Gross! Then, Rizduan came. He gave Zahidah her present then bought food for himself. He sat opposite Khairul. I kept laughing. Then I kicked Jun Ming's dick 'cause he was so noisy.. His face was all scrunched up in agony. Farhan just laughed. Too bad Khairul didn't see what happened. After eating, we left Rizduan and walked around. I think Jun Ming needed to go check the condition of his dick. That's why he said he'd join us later. When he finally joined us, he looked tired.. Anyway, went to Sembawang and Farhan bought Smallville CDs... Then after that go Popular. Like fuck sia.. When Khairul wanted to enter, the stupid machine beeped. He put up his hands and we all looked at him and laughed. Then I said, "Amazing! He stole something without even entering!" Then Zahidah and Jun Ming laughed. Shit! I forgot what homework I'm supposed to do. Whatever lar.. I don't even care. Those fucking twats(teachers) can go shove a banana up their ass. Anyway.. Think I'm gonna go play The Sims now.. Nothing else to do mah... Ciao~!

ahaks..

2005-04-14T22:11:00.000-07:00

Lols!
Just now during PE. the farking Mr Irwan ask the girls to do push-ups just because a few of the girls never greet him. like, wat the fuck! dumb shit. whatever lar. oh yar, adib knows who i am... stupid dumb fucking shit also. his face is like it. he's a freaking twat. dumbass. only knows how to talk about other people. argh. anyway, i am really tired now. my damn eyes are going to close soon... omigod riduan bin mashud, boyfriend of emily the strange!! you read my vulgar song! lols. -.-" not like it's a problem or anything. this is an online journal that can be shared with other people after all.. now i am listening to "phantom of the opera" by nightwish. damn nice.. i have fallen in love with goths all over again... <3 just now i went zahidah's house... talk rubbish. i spitted out all the anger i had bottled up inside by laughing.. stupid jasper and khairul. twats. they made us run around the whole school. LOL ridhwan got DC.. huahuahua.. erms let's see.. think i'm gonna write the lyrics of "Phantom Of The Opera" here.. =) Or maybe a poem.. The poem I had written.. So damn short and idiotic. Here goes nothing...

jangan pusing ke belakan walaupun rindu,
aku akan cuba hidup tanpamu,
wajahmu yang sering kelihatan,
sekarang hanya kenangan..
harapanku sudah lama pupus,
tetapi aku masih rasa sentuhanmu yang halus,
kerana engkaulah yang penting,
dan tiada orang sepertimu di sekeliling..

erms.. how is it? sorry for non-malays and people whose malay isn't that good. i think i'm going to stop here.. nights and good riddance. =]

kuang3...

2005-04-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

hmms... i kept singing the 'vulgar song'... it goes like this :
puki buto kanasai,
knn ccb.

i use short form lar.. it has a nice ring to it.. >=) anyways, just now saw matin and asri when on the way home.. when wanted to go another way, there was a dog. i froze there man.. hahas.. anyway, new discovery! on tuesdays, his class is right behind my class..after general science i mean.. and on wednesdays, when we have literature, his class 1 floor below my class.. -.-" hahas.. every monday get to see him also.. before music and after music. wednesday during home economics will see afinababi.. nyahahaha~ let's see.. he look so damn slenge, as usual. i did the dr. phil's test again during cme lesson!! hahas.. i forgot how much i got.. 44 i think.. wait.. that means i am..... *drumroll*

Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

oOo VERY accurate. I always cheer people up.. ok not always. Most of the time I guess. Anyway, if you wanna know what your personality is, ask me okay? There's like... 10 questions you have to answer.. And there's points.. Aiya next time I post here.. Easier? Hmms.. let's see.. What else.. I'm very bored now.. Listening to Shadows Like Statues by Matchbook Romance... It's so sad.. Hahas. But cool too! I <3>punkrock! oh yar u noe the song playing on my blog? if u dun like it, email me at incompetentfool@hotmail.com or add me on MSN and chat to me ok? I'm bored again.. Ack! I'm gonna daydream again.. Write about him and afinababi... >=) ish3.. teruknye... jun ming sanggup sia follow me and zahidah into the shop then follow us out then he walk home.. that's what i call a good friend... =) Wakakaka I'm gonna go right novel now.. Or whatever lar.. Nighty night!

erms..

2005-04-11T21:02:00.000-07:00

omigod!
just now 'bumped' into alfian, asri, matin, ismail and indra when wanted to go home from compass point.. they saw us(me and zahidah)! they were kind of chasing a girl named hidayah... hahas. we were in between them. anyway, me and z took more neoprints! they're at her house now.. she's supposed to cut them. i hope she remembered. they turned out so, so very lame. i looked kinda gothic, like i wanted to... let's see.. what happened in school eh?
first hour of class : hafidz, erfaan and fareez got scolding(yay!)... khairul got fooled coz of his on kpo-ness... ok what else.. got to see him... ^_^ oh yar by the way, at the end of the year, during hari raya or so, i'm gonna dye my hair brown. but not light brown.. just a bit reddish brown... cannot be so obvious.... or else how to go to school? zahidah damn terperanjat seh.. hahas. poor thing. i'm a bad girl.. she's not. but her mother thinks the opposite. what can i say? i look very innocent. =) *makes innocent face* hahas only adults will fall for that. hmms.. what else to write? i've been very busy lately i guess.. trying to keep myself sane and lots lots more... argh this saturday is zahidah's birthday! but got world red cross enrolment day or whatever it is. poor thing leh she... cannot celebrate properly.. never mind lah... what to write seh..?!?! oh yar!! zahidah kurang ajar. she frame me! she called ridhwan like this "budak converse! budak converse...! ridhwan!!!!!!" then she hide... ridhwan look at me expectantly and i look so damn blur... i'm gonna get you for that z!! just now at compass point i saw amalina and siti nur raudha.... kuang3.. i look so lame just now.. zahidah scared of me you know? i look like ghost... with my black eyeliner.... i wear black clothes coz i'm still mourning.. =P aiyoyo.. i'm like so bored right now.. listening to "let's stay together" by taufik batisah. so boring... [r] looked so damn cute! uh oh.. too obsessed already! argh must get him out of my mind.. God.. help me.. I'm too obsessed.. help me clear my mind.. haiz.. wait.. second lesson of the day.. i keep scolding nicholas. even showed him my middle finger. he got scared since my finger so long... i just laughed.. then after that lesson(history), it was recess. on the way up to the hall, passed nadia and her posse.. then passed ridhwan, haziq, afi and company.. i almost melted.. -_-" then after that zahidah was disturbed by adilah and filzah. they kept talking about shameer.. that slenge. =P no offence! hmms... nothing much after that i guess. oh yar after art, our class was like... behind [r]'s class! i just walked coolly, making eye contact with him and [h]... lols. haiz.. i think i should stop here... before i start day-dreaming... or shld i say night-dreaming? hahas crappy joke. nights everyone!

weird...

2005-04-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

let's see.. i was listening to 'one last' by taufik batisah. suddenly i was daydreaming. i was kinda chasing joel around the carpark in school. zahidah was holding my bag. then, i got hurt because joel hit me with his stick. my head some more.. then, i get angry go throw a book at him, don't know whose book. all the while, A,M and R were watching and whispering. anyway, joel didn't get hurt. he just fell into a heap. i walked back to zahidah.. then she asked "u ok?" and i answered "yea fine whatever" with a wave. then in the middle of the road, when we walk 1 metre already, i collapsed. my head was bleeding. then, zahidah used the low dragging technique and pulled me up. then R wanted to help(So extra!), he help carry my bag and zahidah's bag. R all look very worried. a first aider, i think afiqah or whoever go help. A, M and R all extra.. They asked Zahidah what happened all this.. Zahidah turned red then answered their questions. Woots! All the time I unconscious. joel looked guilty and sorry at the same time.. he kept saying sorry then i keep saying never mind... R asked, "Ok tak?" I rolled my eyes then said sarcastically, "Tengok ni... U pikir I ok tk?" I pointed to my forehead.. Got ice pack there.. He just smiled.. Eeks! I felt like melting.
Rude awakening : This is all part of my DAYDREAM!! Lols. Haiz.. If it were true, I'd be floating right now... And I'd be in Heaven... Hahax.. Anyways, think that's about it.... I'm truly happy now.. Maybe coz I get to hit joel in my daydream. >=) hahas. nights everyone~!